10 simple steps to protect homosexuals from verbal abuse

To all homosexuals out there: Are you sick of being discriminated by homophobes? Sick of being labelled as a threat to society, a paedophile, a zoophile or a necrophile? Sick of the law that hangs over your head, threatening you with imprisonment? Fear no more! IMBS will teach you how to get around that in 10 simple steps. Yes, just 10 simple steps. Comes with a 30-day money back guarantee!

So without further ado, IMBS will demonstrate to you how to protect yourself from any verbal attacks, discrimination and perhaps even repeal S377A once and for all. Then again, IMBS still wonders how come the whole lot of you failed to see this easy method of solving your problems.

Step 1: Form a support group. Let's call it XXX for the time being

Step 2: Have members of XXX gather every Saturday for social events

Step 3: During such gatherings, sit orderly in rows, close your eyes and hope that all the hatred against you will disappear from this world. (This is called TAR)

Step 4: Before you open your eyes, shout out loud the phrase "Stop hating us!"

Step 5: After opening your eyes, go pass around a container to collect some coins in order to consolidate financial power

Step 6: After collect enough money, go buy a piece of land and build a fancy building as the venue for future gatherings

Step 7: Write a book that contains the codes of conduct for the members of XXX

Step 8: In that book, invent a character, well call him gaylord or something, that plays the role of your invisible best friend.

Step 9: Worship that fellow

Step 10: Rename your group as "Faith of Homosexology" (Inspired by the Church of Scientology)

VIOLA! You have a new religion. And now, all you need to do is to use the law to your advantage. This is because IMBS found out a secret from Zuco's blog. There is a new clause added to the penal code that says

"298. Whoever, with deliberate intention of wounding the religious or racial feelings of any person, utters any word or makes any sound in the hearing of that person, or makes any gesture in the sight of that person, or places any object in the sight of that person, or causes any matter however represented to be seen or heard by that person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year, or with fine, or with both."

By now, I'm sure you get the hang of it. So learn something from the lawyers for once. Apart from sucking your money dry, they do actually have something useful to teach you. Just kidding! :)

Heterosexual sex to be banned in the future

Many years from now, after S377A has exerted its deterrent effect on homosexual sex , the homosexual population will have a lower rate of HIV infection than the heterosexual population. Which means that the heterosexual population will have a higher rate of HIV infection than the heterosexual population. Once we reach that stage, we should have an NMP make such a speech during a parliamentary debate:

"Sir, public health and safety is a legitimate purpose served by a ban on heterosexual, anal and oral sex. All these practices are efficient methods of transmitting sexual diseases and AIDs / HIV which are public health problems. These are not victimless crimes as the whole community has to foot the costs of these diseases.

Anal-penetrative sex is inherently damaging to the body and a misuse of organs, like shoving a straw up your nose to drink. The anus is designed to expel waste; when something is forcibly inserted into it, the muscles contract and cause tearing; fecal waste, viruses carried by sperm and blood thus congregate, with adverse health implications like rectal prolapse, anal cancer and cervical cancer. ‘Acts of gross indecency’ under the ban also covers unhygienic practices like “rimming” where the mouth comes into contact with the anus. Consent to harmful acts is no defence – otherwise, our strong anti-drug laws must fall as it cannot co-exist with letting in recreational drugs as a matter of personal lifestyle choice

Same-sex sodomy is harmful, but medical studies indicate that opposite-sex sodomy carries a higher price tag for society because of higher promiscuity and frequency levels. The New York Times reported that even informed heterosexuals return to unsafe practices like bare-backing and heterosexual bug-chasing after a health crisis wanes. A British Study showed that the legalization of heterosexual sodomy correlated with an upsurge of STDs among heterosexuals. Common sense tells us that with more acceptance, any form of consensual sexual behaviour increases. Anti-heterosexual sex laws have some deterrent effect."

So how can Singaporeans procreate? Artificial insemination, duh! Yes, this is how retarded it is.